In Memoriam – S. P. Balasubrahmanyam

My fingers quiver as I type this… We think that we understand the concept of death… Its ubiquity, certainty and finality… Till it comes knocking for someone we love and respect… Someone, who may not even know us, but is an inextricable part of our life. SPB was… is one such voice… Today, when the news of his passing away started trickling in, it brought with it waves after waves of memories… of songs… of instances from my life associated with that song… Everything came crashing down…

It is impossible to summarize a career of 50+ years and over 40,000 songs with a “Best of …” listicle. So, I won’t even try. This list comprises songs that impacted me at a personal level. Just that. Not the best. Not the most famous. Just the ones that really impacted me.

1. Hum Bane Tum Bane Ek Duuje Ke Liye (Ek Duuje Ke Liye): As a Tamilian growing up in Gujarat. I could really relate to "I don't know what you say!"… This was a heartbreaking movie… A movie so good that I could never really manage to see this movie in its entirety since my adolescence.

2. Sach Mere Yaar Hai (Saagar): It is difficult to give voice to the expressions of Kamal Hassan in this melancholic song in the midst of a party. And SP did it beautifully. SPB was the voice for Kamal, Rajinikanth as well as Salman Khan for some of the best songs of their careers. Such versatility.

3. Hum Na Samjhe The (Gardish): One of an underrated gem of a song from an underrated movie. SP gave so much soul to these brilliant words by Javed saab. The way he wrenches out the pain of a son reminiscing his childhood is truly mesmerising.

4. Mandram Vantha (Mouna Ragam): The only Tamil song in this list, but the most personal for me. As a newly minted father, I was clueless about what to do when you have a crying child in your arms.. how to put her to pacify her or put her to sleep... They say that we always resort to our mother tongue when we are most vulnerable… So despite knowing so many lullabies in Hindi, I resorted to the only Tamil song I knew.. the way it starts is magical… and it struck a chord with this one-week old in my hands as well... she still recognizes this tune and calms down, when I sing this song… after 4 years…

5. Tere Mere Beech Me (again, Ek Duuje Ke Liye): Not one of my all-time favourites... but a song that I relate to today…

A Thought On Uttarayan

Ample space in the sky
For every kite to fly
And yet we fight
To be the only one in sight

As if the breeze weren't enough
We fill the air with sound
No force sufficient
For the world to go round

We add our bits
Window-dressing the whole
Scraping from the middle
And leaving a hole..

There's wind, there's sky, some thread and a kite
Not everything may kneel to our might
And yet we fight
To be the only one sight

Trolling the Cholesterol

God has been witness to the ferocity with which I’ve fought the urge to exercise. Multiple failed New Year resolutions, at least four ‘donations’ to the neighbourhood gym (it’s high time we start getting tax exemption for gym memberships), countless taunts (thanks mom!) and innumerable sighs & heartburns inside the trial rooms (fit people will probably never understand this pain) – nothing worked hard enough for me to workout. And then four months back, in a typically filmy style, my doctor looked at my lipid profile test results (get it done once a year after you turn 30, trust me!) and told me “Tumhe dua ki nahin, dawa aur exercise ki zarurat hai”. My body was getting trolled by high cholesterol and it was high time I strolled against it. Gym was no longer an option for me, so I hit the road. Quite literally.

We usually dismiss the things that we can’t understand or appreciate. In the initial few days, I kept ranting about how waking up early is highly over-rated and unfairly romanticized. I mean what is the fun in resisting the urge to snooze the alarm, waking up at an ungodly hour, trying one’s luck against the temperamental neighbourhood dogs and go out for a walk (I could call it a jog, but that would be lying). But every time the devil in me told me to stop, the angel showed me the cholesterol figures and coaxed me into going that extra mile. My wife even gifted me a cycle on my 33^rd birthday (talk about midlife crisis!) and motivated me to add a bit of cycling to my regime. Call it acclimatization or good old Stockholm Syndrome, I eventually made peace with my morning routine.

Slowly but surely, I could see myself going farther than I’ve ever gone before. My first 5K (walk, not run) was a thrilling achievement for me. Eventually I was confident enough to mix a bit of running in the walk. Of course, the morning routine had to be supplemented by dietary restraint throughout the day. I didn’t do anything drastic; just removed all the meals I had...errr.. in-between meals. So, there was no more room for the evening samosas, bhajiyas, sev puris etc. After all, “Balidaan to dena hoga”, right? Things really hit the next level of euphoria when I started getting compliments from people about looking fitter and leaner. Tightening the belt was never this gratifying.

But I was still wary of all my ‘accomplishments’. After all, this would amount to nothing if the cholesterol remained out of control and I continued to be under medication. After 4 months of regular workout and walking away from the sinful snacks, I got one more test done. Voila!! The cholesterol levels are down and the doctor put me off medication temporarily - provided I continue to manage my lifestyle changes.

The battle may have been won, but the war continues. The lifestyle changes must remain consistent and the tests need to become an annual affair. My true agnipariksha will be during the upcoming festive season. Saying no to the modaks of Ganesh Chaturthi, the cheese nan and papdi no lot of Navratri, and the ghughras and mathiyas of Diwali – I will have to continue walking the road less taken. The pursuit of wellness is similar to the pursuit of happiness – a never-ending journey where the road is more important than the destination.

In Memoriam: Jet Airways

In a world where everything changes, Jet was a constant – at least for me; at least till yesterday. The first flight of my life was on a Jet (circa 1995-96) from Baroda to Mumbai. I was a precocious 10-year old enamoured by the idea of my first flight… and more importantly, I was looking forward to the meal!

And what an experience it was! A tray of food accompanied with steel cutlery – a bowl of cut fruits, a cupcake, a plastic cup for tea or coffee; all served with a smile by a team dressed impeccably. I hardly remember the take-off and the landing, but I remember that meal. I also remember stuffing the cupcake and that steel butter knife in my bag for posterity. I also remember my uncle looking at the stash and remarking sarcastically that there must also been have a tray to take away and me thinking in dismay “oh shucks! What a miss!”

Since then, there were a number of flights taken and a decent number of miles flown. Many competitors came and were put to use – Kingfisher had a lovely air crew (personally chosen by Mr. Mallya, no less) and some seriously good food; Indigo had quirky and smart messaging across the flight (though they were horribly stingy with that exorbitant sandwich and cup noodles); there was also this one (and sadly only one) experience with Emirates that involved a fair bit of high spirits. But Jet was always special. Jet was always a full-service airline that dispensed its service well. Whenever the budget permitted and the stars aligned, it was the chosen one and it almost never disappointed.

It is rather unfortunate that constancy as a virtue is seldom given its due. Also, unfortunate that eulogies are almost always kinder and more eloquent than testimonials. Oh well… Off you fly into that great big blue sky, Jet. You will be remembered, as firsts often are.

Apataadiya

It is no secret that kids between the age of 1 and 5 learn at a break-neck speed.. You go on a business tour for 2-3 days and come back to find your toddler saying new words, showing new expressions/emotions, and adding a whole new layer of personality onto herself. There is a dialogue in Narcos where a rich-man-gone-bankrupt is asked how he lost his money and he says "Slowly at first. And then... all at once."... Well, what is true for Escobar, is also true for most parents.

In a world where Annie Baby learns something new every day, "Apataadiya" has been a constant.. We don't know what it means exactly.. It's neither Gujarati nor Tamil (the two languages she hears the most) but we know what the word conveys.. Apataadiya means Cease and Desist!.. When she shouts this word, she wants us to stop whatever it is that we're doing — this could be something as important as feeding her or changing the diaper or something as mundane as combing her hair.. Well, whatever it is.. It cant continue beyond an Apataadiya! We have not only accepted this term but have also adopted it.. Now even we use it as an in-house term for stopping whatever is happening.. I guess kids teach us almost as much as we teach them.. The quantum of exchange may vary from time to time - but by the end of it, the balance is achieved.

It's not just a term she utters, we adopt the tunes she hums, the games she invents and even the famed head-tilt she's devised to manipulate us into giving her what she wants.. We adopt and we run with it.. We keep using it till it becomes a normal part of our being.. The way we bite and grind a tooth filling till the time it feels like a part of us.. And then comes a stage when the child out-grows that term or mannerism and looks at us in disbelief every time we use it in front of her.. Her look sometimes seems like "Dad! Grow up!“... I guess it is part of every parent's destiny to end up like Kamal Haasan doing that monkey dance in Sadma while Sridevi chugs away, oblivious of her past..