Discomforting Replies

We live in an unfairly segmented and segregated world. There are grid lines running everywhere – lines cutting across the rich and the poor, young and old, ‘upper’ and ‘lower’ castes… and at a very fundamental level – man and woman. And each one of us is part of and (to various extent) party to this unfair world. Some bring down the average by continuing to do despicable things (and finding new ways of doing it) while others bring down the average by just being average – being part of the quiet masses that accept, normalize and thereby encourage the aforementioned dastardly acts.

The past month has been quite difficult. Every wall I scroll, every feed I read is full of women finally finding the courage to name and shame the perpetrators – men who have taken these women and their silence for granted; the privileged who have misused and abused their privileges. Most of these perpetrators are now buckling up to weather the storm; and weather it they will because most of them are too well-entrenched and well-connected to be uprooted or isolated. I read these articles, posts and tweets and feel equally complicit (if not more). Because although I may not have harassed, objectified or exploited women in public or private life, I have been a spectator – and largely, a mute spectator. And while there have been occasions where I have expressed my displeasure of the ‘dude-bro’ culture to the dudes and the bros; but these occasions have far too few to merit an exoneration. And I firmly believe that I am not an isolated example. I am sure that like me, there are many men out there who must be reading these allegations and thinking “wow! Thank God I’m not one of them”…. Just ask yourself in all honesty… Am I?

Have you seen something like this happen at home, office or public places and remained quiet? Have you seen the women of your house being cut short in a conversation, being told that ‘this is not an area of your expertise’, or ‘you will not understand these things’? Have you been part of a dude-bro gang at office where people have bragged about their latest exploits, name called a female colleague who did not respond to their not-so-subtle cues, attributed a female colleague’s success or promotion to her gender rather than her work? Ask yourself these questions and reply to yourself. Your replies are important to you, not me. I have enough uncomfortable replies of my own that I need to deal with and live with.

The past cannot be changed. But it should not be rationalized and accepted as well. The past needs to be acknowledged, evaluated and duly addressed so that it remains in the past and doesn’t get repeated in the future. Because, despite the outrage that is being expressed today, despite the wrongs that are being called out today, despite the courage that is being shown today; if the future doesn’t change. Then, shame on us.