Can't believe that it has been one year since I was woken up at 5
am by my mother's frantic cry of
"Thatha poita da!! Thatha poita!"
(Grandpa has gone away)... In this one year, I have woken up many
times in the middle of the night thinking that I'd heard that ominous
cry again.. There have been times when I walked past his erstwhile
room and stopped, thinking that I'd heard someone shout out "
Excuse
me, Sir!! Can you take me to Madras?"... To cut a long and
rather heart-wrenching story short, it has been a difficult one year,
with respect to reminiscences and deja vu.. May be this is because
his was the first death I ever witnessed in a life of 27 years.. May
be this is because he meant more to me than I ever realised during
his lifetime..
Thatha taught me a lot of things in life... sometimes
intentionally, but more often unintentionally... I am happy to report
that he taught me a lot even in his demise...
He taught me to come face to face with death... Before January 06,
2013, death was always an unwelcome guest at a neighbour's house.. On
that fateful day, I realised that death is not only an
emotional or a spiritual event, it is also a bureaucratic and
documentary one... I remember how, within minutes of knowing about
his death, I was at the doctor's clinic giving all the necessary
details for procuring a doctor's final examination certificate...
which is instrumental in procuring the Government's death
certificate... which is instrumental in enforcing the last will and
its eventual disbursal..
He made me realise the intricacies, compulsions and vanities of
rites and rituals.. How they take a personal feeling and reduce it to
a public spectacle aimed towards divine appeasement and social
acceptance... To such an extent that by the end of it, you are
angered by that person's demise rather than feeling hurt about it..
To such an extent that in the midst of organising this whole
'project', you just don't remember the person for whom you are doing
it..
In my earlier
post, I had written about his lifelong passion
towards self-sufficiency and independence... I now realise a
plausible reason behind his unwavering dedication.. I would rather
stand on my own two feet than be supported by a society that judges
me, not for my intangible beliefs and spirituality, but for my
religious excursions..
It has been one year today... and life
has went on as it always has... I had prophesied over a year back
that time will eventually make me forget everything that I
remember... I don't wish that to happen to everything that I've
realised and learned in this one year... and hence, this post...
