Remembering Thatha, One Year Hence

Can't believe that it has been one year since I was woken up at 5 am by my mother's frantic cry of "Thatha poita da!! Thatha poita!" (Grandpa has gone away)... In this one year, I have woken up many times in the middle of the night thinking that I'd heard that ominous cry again.. There have been times when I walked past his erstwhile room and stopped, thinking that I'd heard someone shout out "Excuse me, Sir!! Can you take me to Madras?"... To cut a long and rather heart-wrenching story short, it has been a difficult one year, with respect to reminiscences and deja vu.. May be this is because his was the first death I ever witnessed in a life of 27 years.. May be this is because he meant more to me than I ever realised during his lifetime..

Thatha taught me a lot of things in life... sometimes intentionally, but more often unintentionally... I am happy to report that he taught me a lot even in his demise...

He taught me to come face to face with death... Before January 06, 2013, death was always an unwelcome guest at a neighbour's house.. On that fateful day, I realised that death is not only an emotional or a spiritual event, it is also a bureaucratic and documentary one... I remember how, within minutes of knowing about his death, I was at the doctor's clinic giving all the necessary details for procuring a doctor's final examination certificate... which is instrumental in procuring the Government's death certificate... which is instrumental in enforcing the last will and its eventual disbursal..

He made me realise the intricacies, compulsions and vanities of rites and rituals.. How they take a personal feeling and reduce it to a public spectacle aimed towards divine appeasement and social acceptance... To such an extent that by the end of it, you are angered by that person's demise rather than feeling hurt about it.. To such an extent that in the midst of organising this whole 'project', you just don't remember the person for whom you are doing it..

In my earlier post, I had written about his lifelong passion towards self-sufficiency and independence... I now realise a plausible reason behind his unwavering dedication.. I would rather stand on my own two feet than be supported by a society that judges me, not for my intangible beliefs and spirituality, but for my religious excursions..

It has been one year today... and life has went on as it always has... I had prophesied over a year back that time will eventually make me forget everything that I remember... I don't wish that to happen to everything that I've realised and learned in this one year... and hence, this post...