To be or not to ___

Gaps, blanks & voids... that nagging creation of language and thought that breaks the continuity, that unleashes chaos into our seemingly perfect and coherent world..The ultimate source of cognitive dissonance... We, as human beings, have evolved ourselves into adjusting and tolerating with a lot of things in life (including the concept of after-life), but we have never really learned to live with a void. We just cant let a void be left alone. To be or not to be.

We take up the moral responsibility of filling up every void that comes in our life... As if the seamlessness in our lives is our prerogative... But we don’t always fill up this void with something that is of the same ecological constituent that surrounds it... So we hatch up excuses to explain gaps in education, career or life in general.. We try to fill the chasms in our hearts with cigarette smoke or a few pegs of whiskey.. We fall head over heals for somebody just to get over the pain and tribulation of falling head over heals for somebody... We think that we make these excuses or do these stupid acts of emotions and self-destruction in order to bring stability in the world around us; so that people don’t think of these gaps when they think of us. But in reality, we do this to bring a sense of stability within us.. So that we don’t see those gaps or void or chasms or heart breaks when we look at ourselves in the mirror... And we repeat these acts so often that sooner or later, we forget that it was our figment of imagination... We lie, to ourselves and to others, so often that the truth slowly suffocates from our indifference and dies..

If only we could let a void remain as it were.. To stand as a testament of how we tried and how we failed... To stand as an edifice of courage, rationality, compatibility and self-contentment that defined our character... Isn’t nothingness more respectable than something that should have never been there?

Life has been good to me..

It is so easy to personify life into a human-like creature... Treat it as a third person... and give it the diabolical ability to cause us pain... work with luck to make things work... connive with destiny to deprive us of all the things that we ‘think’ we deserve..

Unfortunately, our tendency to personify life is not just restricted to our sorrowful moments; it extends to the joyous ones as well.. When everything works as per plan, “Life is good”... “Life has given me everything I ever wanted”... “I’ve no complaints with life”...

This does not necessarily absolve it off all allegations of giving us a shady corner where we tend to hide our short comings.. Instead of accepting certain deficiency in our efforts or abilities, it becomes easier to just personify life and implicate it for all the wrong doings.. This only makes us vulnerable to repeat those same mistakes; face those same failures.. again and again and again..

Another feather to the cap...

I see a tiny feather being enamored by the gushing wind... The wind does everything to sway the feather off its course... to sweep it off its feet... to buoy it against all odds... but the feather keeps falling towards the ground... the unwelcoming earth that does nothing to deserve the purity and the softness of the feather.... The feather, although light, has the weight of its past on it... the worry of the future on it... the discontent of the present on it... weight enough to nullify the gushing wind... slowly but surely, the wind loses as the earth wins... the feather lies on the ground... at the mercy of the hooves to trample it, the broom to brush it away, the rain to wash it away and the dust to rob it off all its purity..

I see a tiny feather... and I say... "What took you so long?"

No looking back...

I swear... if i ctrl+A and delete one more time... i'm gonna stop writing!!!...

I wondered all my life what those little pieces of leather around a horse's eyes are called... those little things that prevent it from looking back and looking around... and I wonder why i'd been wondering for so long??!!! There some questions in life which can give you sleepless nights... like... what was the name of that movie?? who wrote the lyrics of that song?? what am I doing with me life? you get the picture, right?? then there are some questions that we learn to live with... we think about it once in while, we make a mental note of trying to find the answer some day... and then we forget about.... What are those little pieces of leather called??

They are called "Blinkers", you dumbass!! a.k.a winkers, blinders etc.... You know why I bothered to google this tonight?? coz i feel like i'm wearing one...

I've been running for quite some time now... initially i kept a count of the number of laps i'd covered.... how many horses i went by.... But after a point, there is no point.... I've lost count of where i'm running, why i'm running, from whom i'm running and towards what?? Some one above me whips me once in a while and i run towards the goal... his goal.... I'd rather run out the race track and into the grass fields in the middle....

Stopping by the Palladium on a sunny afternoon

The buildings are lovely, bright and tall..

My cousin is still not here, I'll ve to call..


The sloth says that he'd be there in 10 minutes..

But knowing him, I'd take that as infinite..


Phoenix mills.. I was here last, when Big Bazaar was a big deal..

Now it is some place where even a kleptomaniac wont steal..


I cant believe how much this place has changed since then..

I feel like a yawning Rip Van Winkle freshly out of his den..


I walk into the Palladium, the AC is good and its apparently Wi-Fi enabled..

Most of the access points are password protected or just don't work.. Does no one bother to look beneath the label?


I see a Diesel outlet..Something that I'd never seen outside Loot Mart..

I had plenty of time to kill, it seemed like a good start..


I walk in.. The store guy takes my proficiency in American English for granted..

And stumps me by asking if I knew what I wanted..


I cant concede that I'm just there to kill time, so I enquire about denims, size 34..

He give a nodding smile... I fear that he's seen blatant liars like me before..


He undertakes an excavation into the shelves, it seems size 34s are not the regular clientele..

All skinny eyes stare at me.. I could drown if only my waist would fit into the perimeter of a well..


I take a good long breath and pull up my pants.. It fits!! It fits!! It fits!!

I casually glance at the price tag safely tugged inside the pockets... Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!


10,795 is what it proudly states... 10,795 in Rupees, not the Rouble..

I carefully get out of 1/3rd of my monthly income.. I don't want no trouble..


I come out with a sheepish smile, the skinny eyes still stare.. I lie that the pants that fit, don't fit..

The wise ass!! by this time, he's managed to find a size 36 as well! but I say that I'm not mentally ready for it..


I walk out wondering how a place so exorbitant could exist..

but then again, with enough resources, how could greed resist..


I make a mental note of coming back some day..

with that much more money and that less fat my way...


but till then if i get the urge to buy a pair of diesel jeans..

Loot Mart, it is! Loot Mart, it is!